Posted by dave on August 17, 1999 at 13:58:19:
In Reply to: STEALING, LYING….sound familiar? posted by linda on August 17, 1999 at 13:12:35:
hi linda. my daughter more recently has been lying.its amazing how convincing she can be when caught in the act. we really try not to make that big a deal out of it. when confronted she becomes more confused and upset. we’ll usually accept her excuse but try to explain why lying is not good in the same vain. its a tough issue because it is a moral one. stealing has not been a huge issue although we have caught her a couple of times taking some of her brothers things. again the best way i think to deal with this is not while you catch them in the act this will only create a meltdown. wait until they are in a state that they can deal with discussion and talk to her about stealing. let me tell you a story about my daughter. sorry i have to elaborate. this is not directly dealing with stealing or lying but explains how my daughter works and why it is better to discuss issues not during a potential meltdown. my daughter wanted some red thread and asked her aunt who was visiting if she could get her some red thread. her aunt checked the house for red thread and could not find any. her aunt (linda) said use black,blue whatever forget it my daughter went into meltdown. linda went to the store and bought her red thread. linda said to me see she got her own way. i explained to linda she knows no other way. after the meltdown i talked to my daughter and told her making her aunt linda run to the store was not fair she was tired and that if she could have used a different thread that would have make her aunt linda feel better. the next day she looked for her red thread she only had a little left. she said to her aunt that it was ok she didn’t have to get more her red thread because she(linda) had to go the day before and get her thread and she might be tired. i think my daughter learned something from this. im not always sure though. my point being sometimes it’s better to have these discussions wether it be stealing,lying,or about behavior far before an anticipated meltdown or after. i know i sound like a page from the explosive child for those who have read it. but many of the techniques work with some modification. my daughter does the same thing with hair brushing and brushing teeth. this is a tough one. she wants to do the hair and teeth brushing herself. she doesn’t always do a good job. i found if i let her do it herself and not bust her chops about the job she’s done, she’ll usually ask either my wife or i to help her with it. again sometimes it works sometimes it doesn’t. i think if she is getting upset that the hair brushing is painful she is just acting out that she is confused and not sure if her hair looks good or not because she can’t visualize it. she just needs to take time to think about it and don’t rush the hair brushing. i wish i had all the answers but these are just some thoughts. the more you know how your daughter thinks the better you will know how to deal with it. good luck!!
by the way my daughter learned how to ride her bike yesterday it was a milestone. hope she can repeat her performance.
regards, dave
: One of the biggest behavior probs we dealt with as a young child was Nicole’s constant stealing of anything and everything. When faced with her “crime” she always denied it and more than that, made up stories to convince us of her innocense and someone else’s guilt. She has improved in this area although it still takes our asking several times before she’ll admit it. Along with that came lies as mentioned above and her tendency is always to lie when faced with possible guilt. I haven’t heard anyone address these traits but I am new to the site so perhaps this is “old” subject matter but my husband is especially interested and asked me to pose this question. As I write another thing comes to find: overdramatization when it comes to being hurt. Ex: hair brushing, minor aches result in carrying on like she’d just had a limb severed. Sound familiar?